On Sunday evening, Little O, Baby E and I came back from another second birthday party and I started to feel a little sore on my left-hand side, spreading down from under my arm. I could not feel any lumps so I did not think anything more of it. However, by the time I went to bed that night, the pain was worse and I could not turn over in bed. I spent the night sleeping on one side with my hand cupped underneath my breast as that was the only thing that reduced the pain.

Each time that Baby E woke for a feed in the night, I asked Husband to check my forehead (it’s like he has a thermometer in his hand and can detect a fever at ten paces) but there was nothing. By the time I woke on Monday morning though, I felt rotten – like I had the ‘flu (aching limbs, headache, feverish) but without any signs of ‘flu in my nose or throat. When I checked my temperature (with a real thermometer this time), it was at 37.6°, so high but not that high.

I read a couple of books to check and see if it was mastitis (Baby Whisperer and the brilliant What to Expect When You’re Breast-feeding by Clare Byam-Cook, which I highly recommend) and it looked like it could be, although I had no lumps and no red streaks, both of which are typical signs. Both books stressed the importance of consulting your doctor if you suspected mastitis, since it can be fixed without antibiotics if caught early enough.

I decided to call the health information line for Stockholm, where you can get advice from a nurse. The woman I spoke to said that it might be mastitis (mjölkstockning in Swedish) but that I should not bother to go to the doctor as my fever was not high enough to justify it and I should wait and see if I got worse.

I find this reaction from healthcare providers here in Sweden so frustrating. It is just like the reaction I got from the lactation specialist about Baby E’s colic-type problems – that you don’t really have a problem, your case is not that bad and that there is someone worse off than you. Yes, that might all be true but when you’re going through a situation like this, it is very hard to be told each time that you’re making too much out of it. I asked Husband why this is the case and he said that he believes it because too many people go to the doctors, ask for antibiotics and then don’t finish the course of tablets, meaning that the bacteria become immune to the antibiotics. All fair enough, but I still believe it odd that given it is a condition where you are advised in books to head straight to your doctor, they put you off doing just that here.

Anyway, during the day I felt worse and worse, my temperature got higher and higher and the sore area got redder and redder. I defied the health line and called the doctors surgery. Unfortunately, it was too late to get an appointment that day but they helpfully gave me the number to the local drop-in clinic at the hospital a few blocks away, and I arranged an appointment for 6pm.

I was so glad that I made the decision to do this as the doctor I saw there confirmed that it was mastitis and said that it was good that I had come in at that stage as if I had left it longer I would have needed antibiotics. She told me to empty the breast using a pump and showed me a massage technique to do at the same time to try to clear the blockage. I left there so pleased that I had a way to try and solve the problem, that I had managed to avoid having to take antibiotics and also just a little bit pleased that I had been proven right (take that, Vårdguiden!) – childish, I know…

So, I did as the doctor said and hoped for a better night. Unfortunately, I had not managed to avoid the worst of the fever and an hour later I had a fever of 39° again and was wrapped up in bed in pyjamas and a fleece dressing gown with the duvet over me and a wool blanket over that. And a couple of hours after that I was drenched in sweat and kicking all of these off.

But I woke this morning feeling much better and with no fever, so I hope that the pumping, massage and pressing a hot, hot flannel against the sore area when I am feeding Baby E have all helped towards solving the problem.

As they say, things can only get better!

These are the rules:

• You must post the rules
• Post 12 fun facts about yourself in the blog post
• Answer the questions the tagger has set for you in their post and then create 12 new questions for fellow bloggers you plan to tag
• Tag 12 people and link to them on your blog
• Let them know you’ve tagged them

12 facts about me:

1. I used to read books and had several ongoing at once, then I got the Kindle app and downloaded loads, and now the iPad is used mainly as a white noise machine for Baby E and for Little O to watch the Cars 2 trailer repeatedly on YouTube.
2. It was good that I took Husband’s surname after we married as I can spell that out in Swedish; despite my maiden name only having half the number of letters, I struggled when spelling it out.
3. I brought home four bags of shoes from work when I went on maternity leave in January (I think you could say that like shoes – and handbags too).
4. I love to drive – a destination is not necessary.
5. As a teenager, I tried to write a novel – it was terrible; likewise, the script for a tv soap that I attempted.
6. I used to cry easily – at films, books, adverts, everything. Now, I can cry just thinking about a film or book that has touched me.
7. At work I used to be so particular about the books on my desk that I would line them up in height order – until a colleague came along every morning and rearranged them. After a while, I gave up.
8. I covet the Eames lounge chair.
9. When I was younger I hated people shortening my first name.
10. I grew up in “The friendly town at the foot of the Downs”.
11. I have a funny toe that curves under the other ones and that I cannot move properly. One of the first things Husband checked on both the boys after they were born was that they don’t have the same. It seems that my toe freaks him out.
12. I always love these things and then I struggle to know what to write.

Answers to the questions:

1) Where is your favourite place in the world? My bed!

2) If you could give your teen self some advice, what would it be? Slow down and wait, there’s no need to hurry – it will come. (And also, don’t do it, don’t date him and certainly don’t go and get engaged to him…)

3) Where is your favourite place to shop for children’s clothes and why? I really love the preppy little outfits for boys that they sell in Tommy Hilfiger. However, I don’t like the price tag. I resent that even when buying the clothes at sale price (I cannot bring myself to pay full price for them here), I am most likely still paying more than the full price in the US. But Little O does look oh-so-cute in them.

4) What would you do if you won £100,000? Buy myself a gorgeous handbag (maybe from Mulberry) and then go on a spending spree at Tommy Hilfiger for the boys. In reality, Husband would probably convince me of the wisdom of using some to pay off the mortgage and of putting the rest into my pension [yawn].

5) What cheers you up when you’re feeling low? Red wine, chocolate, hugs from Husband, and a hug and a kiss from Little O (he pats you on the back when hugging you – bless!)

6) Who is the most influential person in your life? Husband, I would say. We talk to each other about pretty much everything and give each other advice.

7) What would be your dream holiday? I think it might be hard to beat the 16 days that we spent on Phuket last January, watching Little O splash around in the sea and in the pool. Maybe the answer then is returning to Thailand with both the boys.

8) What do you love to do the most with your child/ren See above, and also going to the park, having a meal out at Vapiano, the chain of Italian food restaurants (actually pretty child-friendly places) or stopping for coffee and snacks at Espresso House.

9) Why did you start blogging? Because I wanted to record my pregnancy with Little O, because I wanted to provide information for other English speakers who found themselves pregnant in Sweden and because I am a bit vain.

10) If you could travel back in time, where/when would you go back to? I used to have a totally pretentious answer to this question about the execution of Charles I and asking Oliver Cromwell if he had really referred to the act as a “cruel necessity” (see, I told you it was pretentious…). Now, my answer would probably be New York during the Jazz Age – it just sounds like it was a great time.

11) Who was your funniest crush as a teenager? A whole host of spotty and inappropriate boys from the local boys’ schools! But in terms of funniest “famous” people, it was one of New Kids on the Block. Uh, I cannot believe that I am going to admit this… It was Jon – not the most attractive of them, by any means. Why? I don’t know. I think just because I felt I should choose one of the less popular band members. Who knows.

12) What’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you? Desperately trying to think of something – most things are can think of are embarrassing and so are funny in that way – does that count? Only a few years ago, I got my Swedish in a muddle and spent an entire conversation with Husband’s mother (then not yet my mother-in-law) referring to my aunt as my mother-in-law. Oh, there must be plenty more of these language misunderstandings, but I thankfully seem to have blocked them from my memory!

My questions:

1. What five things could you not live without?
2. What is your favourite of your blog posts?
3. What type of computer do you use (laptop, desktop, pc, Mac etc)?
4. How many emails do you receive a day?
5. How well do you know your neighbours?
6. What is the last book that you read that had an impact on you (positive or negative)?
7. How would your friends describe you in three words?
8. Do you have any holiday plans for this year, and, if so, what?
9. If you could choose a superpower, what would it be?
10. What did you want to be when you “grew up”?
11. Have you met many of your fellow bloggers in real life?
12. What was your greatest accomplishment last year?

Tagged!:

• Bavarian Sojourn
• Blog Up North
• Dummy Mummy
• Lijn
• Monica
• Mrs Turk
• Mum’s Gone To…
• Mum on the Brink
• Mummy Mishaps
• Mutterings of a Fool
• The Boy and Me
• Tiddlyompompom

I won’t be at all offended if they are not your thing!

Day 44:

Photo © English Mamma

I’m trying to psych myself up to filling in this form to apply for Baby E’s Swedish passport. We have a slot booked at the police station to hand the forms over and get his photo taken on 5 March. So there is only so much procrastinating that I can do. (And then there is the joy of the British passport application after this…)

Day 45:

Photo © English Mamma

Not sure that they should really be recommending that people do this. (Although it has worked out well for Husband and I!) I got my Valentine’s wish today. I phoned Husband as he was on his way home and begged to know, over the sounds of a screaming Baby E and wailing Little O, when he would be home. He was two minutes away but planning a detour to buy me flowers. The flowers idea got shelved and he walked in the door two minutes later to rescue us – the perfect Valentine’s gift!

Day 46:

Photo © English Mamma

On Wednesday, I finally found the time to print out, write and post the thank you cards for Baby E’s gifts. I know I really should have done this sooner, but people will forgive me won’t they? After all, life can be a little, shall we say hectic, with a toddler and a newborn.

Day 47:

Photo © English Mamma

About an hour before I was due to pick Little O up from preschool, I had a call from them to say that he had a fever of 38 degrees and please could I collect him a little earlier. I bundled Baby E up in his snowsuit, into the stroller and jumped on the bus. By the time I got there, it was only half an hour before I would normally have collected him and it was snack time. We already knew that Little O loves his food but I really found out just how much. Despite a fever, he sat and ate three sandwiches and drank two cups of milk, while I waited for him, sweating in my winter coat. Two other little boys also had fevers and were awaiting collection; they both flopped their heads down on the table and one sobbed quietly. Not Little O – by the time he decided that he was ready to go home (at the time I would normally have collected him anyway), he also decided that he was well enough to run round and round the cloakroom seven times… Not too feverish then! Given how well he seemed, I took him to the hairdressers for a long-overdue haircut, as you might or might not be able to see in this photo.

Day 48:

Photo © English Mamma

One of Little O’s more unconventional sleeping positions!

Day 49:

Photo © English Mamma

As part of the toddler tantrums that have started recently (poor thing, he gets so incredibly frustrated that he cannot make us understand him), Little O is also showing his willpower. And this is what Little O was determined to wear yesterday afternoon. The fire engine/police car vest was something that he had grabbed in H&M and refused to let go of. We then had a little to-do at the till when, after explaining 12 or so times that he’d have to let go of it so I could pay for it, I had to wrestle it from him for an interminable 30 seconds while the girl scanned it and removed the security tag. I had not realised until yesterday just how loud Little O could scream. (He woke this morning and brought the same outfit to Husband to have put on him. Oh joy…)

Day 50:

Photo © English Mamma

Little O loves to return Baby E’s little pink elephant rattle to him if he has dropped it. It is moments like these that I cherish, when I see Little O being so gentle with his baby brother.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Take a look over at The Boy and Me’s site and see what she and others have chosen as their favourites of the week:

So, siblings…

In the last few months of pregnancy I become increasingly worried about the effect that the arrival of Baby E would have on Little O. It is also something that I had no experience to draw on, being any only child, and looking at Husband’s family did not help matters as there does seem to be some favouritism by his parents. I kept on going round and round the worst case scenario in my head: Little O feeling that he was being overlooked with the arrival of Baby E. I could imagine the tears, the sadness and then the resignation. It was something that I was determined that he would not feel.

To combat this, I did what I always do in these cases: I read, I researched, I read some more. One great book that I downloaded on Kindle was The Second Baby Survival Guide by Naia Edwards, which covered topics like sibling rivalry, attention-seeking behaviour by toddlers and gave tips on how to juggle life with a toddler and a newborn. And a quick google search reveals many helpful websites, including this page on Gurgle and this one on kellymom. We also bought a few books about babies to read with Little O (two by Rachel Fuller (Waiting For Baby and My New Baby) and There’s a House Inside My Mummy by Giles Andreae), which we read with him in the last weeks before Baby E’s birth.

On the day that we came home from the hospital with Baby E, we found that Little O was almost beside himself with excitement about meeting his little brother. Over the next couple of days, this turned into a little bit of resentment about how much attention this little interloper was receiving. I think part of this was because our initial approach was to have Baby E shut in our room when he slept, which meant Little O only really saw him when Baby E was feeding and that created some bad feeling – to him it must have seemed that Baby E was getting lots of cuddles. I consulted the book again and changed strategy and had Baby E sleeping in his carrycot out in the main part of the apartment. Little O was then very keen to stroke him, but often a little too heavy-handedly. Through trial and error, we found that if we encouraged him in his stroking and removed him from the situation and distracted him with toys when he became too aggressive, we could create some harmony. I say through trial and error – we had a few incidences when Little O realised that if he hit Baby E or poked him hard, he got a reaction, albeit a negative one, from us, and so he would do it over and over. Simply distracting him with a new game or a new way to play with his toys stopped this negative behaviour though.

In one way though, the opposite of what I had feared has happened and sometimes poor Baby E has to take a backseat. If both of them are crying and it is just me with them, then Little O is the one who I attend to first, in most cases, simply because he is the one who would understand and be hurt by me focusing on his little brother over him. From what I read this is the best way to handle this situation and can actually help the newborn be less fussy and grow more independent.

Now, three and a half weeks in, Little O already seems to adore his baby brother, always comes in to our bedroom in the morning to say hello to him, wants to cuddle him and to help with changing his nappy. Of course, there are still, and will continue to be, moments of discord and rivalry, but I feel much happier than I did in late pregnancy. I just hope that their closeness in age will translate into closeness later in life. Excluding, of course, the many battles that we’ll see between them – they are little boys, after all!

Day 37:

Photo © English Mamma

This is the second time in the past week or so that I’ve spotted this taxi in the city centre. How great is this? He seems to charge the same as most other taxis. The only disadvantage that I can see is that it might not be quite as warm as a modern taxi (he is wearing a woolen hat after all). I’ve always had a bit of a soft spot for the Citroen DS, so I was pretty excited when I saw this.

Day 38:

Photo © English Mamma

After a long day… although I really, really longed for something a lot little stronger at that point.

Day 39:

Photo © English Mamma

Back at Karolinska hospital for the fifth time in 18 days – this time back to Amningsmottagen – the breastfeeding clinic. I feel as if I know the place pretty well by now.

Day 40:

Photo © English Mamma

Every few days, after I collect Little O from preschool, we head to the Central Station and wave goodbye to the 15.17 train to Gothenburg. I found this train by accident but I like the fact that it has only four carriages: 1st class, 2nd class, a restaurant car and the one nearest to me when I took this photo, which, according to the symbols painted on the outside, is a cocktail and piano bar.

Day 41:

Photo © English Mamma

On Friday, we hit the 2-3 week growth spurt. I took this picture of Baby E finally (!) asleep after a feed. However, he had other ideas and woke up about four minutes after this was taken. Sleep was not the theme of the day…

Day 42:

Photo © English Mamma

Husband found a great new cafe not so far from us and so we decided to check it out on Saturday. Although it was small inside, we found that if we uncoupled the carrycot from the stroller and left the stroller outside, we could sit at the bar stools in the window with Little O on Husband’s lap and Baby E safely sleeping in the carrycot under the counter. The brunch was delicious – and I’m sure that Little O would agree!

Day 43:

Photo © English Mamma

Little O sometimes takes a very casual approach to drinking his bedtime drink!

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

The Boy And Me has set up a great linky each week, so head on over there and check out some of the others’ pictures too:

So far this morning, Baby E has been anywhere between three hours and an hour between feeds and he has now not really slept for about four hours. Ah, yes, the randomness of the growth spurt with all its sleeplessness and fussy behaviour.

The worst thing is that, looking at him, you can see just how tired Baby E is, but he just cannot seem to sleep more than a handful of minutes at a time before he wakes and starts fussing again. He slept for maybe 35 minutes this morning in the stroller while we went to preschool with Little O, so I am going to take him out in the stroller again in a little while an hope that that knocks him out for long enough for him to get some rest.

You can read more about growth spurts on a number of sites – these are ones that I have found most helpful: kellymom, What To Expect and Breastfeeding Problems.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

[I know that it might seem like I am being a bit of a Moaning Minnie at the moment but I have realised that the blog posts from when Little O was this age paint a much rosier picture than was actually the case. At that time, I know that I was tired, emotional and struggling to come to terms with the responsibility of becoming a mother to this fragile little creature but I don't know what happened between feeling this and actually writing my blog. Did I think that it would reveal my life to be less perfect than I wanted to portray it as? I don't know. What I do know this time around is that I want a record of how things really are, warts and all, so that I am not left wondering if I just breezed through these weeks and months without a care.]

Photo © English Mamma

…one giant leap for Mamma and Pappa.

Baby E has taken what we consider to be a massive step forward in the past couple of days and is now going FOUR WHOLE HOURS between feeds at night. Sorry for the shouting but those extra minutes of sleep are just wonderful, refreshing, revitalising, perfect! (Let’s hope that I have not jinxed this by writing it down here…)

So, yesterday we had our return visit to the breastfeeding clinic to see the lactation specialist (who I refer to in my head as the boob nazi). Boob nazi said that it’s all looking good but what the hell was I doing waking Baby E every two hours during the day, where did I read that I should do that so late on (err, he’s only two and half weeks old? Late?) and that that was only the recommendation until your milk came in. Well, from what I’ve read, you cannot feed your baby too much and that until you feel breastfeeding is established it is good to wake them every couple of hours for feeds during the day. I certainly did not really feel until now that breastfeeding was established as I was still having problems getting Baby E to take a good feed on the left.

I took her advice yesterday and followed his lead a little more and he seemed content to feed every three hours. However, content was not something you could describe me as being by the end of the day when I discovered blocked milk ducts. Oh joy… A very hot and very long shower (while constantly checking for the telltale little green lights on the baby monitor) later and I think I’ve managed to ease them somewhat.

Breastfeeding – two steps forward, one step back. Really, if they told you all this beforehand, would you really believe it?