I know that I’m meant to be resting more now and building up my energy stores for the birth but the sight of a whole empty week stretching out in front of me in my calendar was just too much to bear and so I have started to fill up next week with visits, lunches and coffee breaks.
I’ve spent the past decade and a half at least trying to keep control over everything in my life and it feels like a huge step just to let go of that and let life come at me, to take the step that means the change from being “working me” (a persona developed over those years) towards being “mamma me”.
Am I overanalysing this? Will I even need to take this step conciously? Or will I just do it because the situation arises (and it will) and I have to do it?
I’ve always been a bit of a control freak, so finding myself standing on the edge of the unknown - and feeling unprepared to deal with it, despite all I have been reading and researching – a very unnerving sensation. Maybe that is the problem: I’ve been reading too much.